the birdman cometh

Banter? I just met her...



Thursday, January 31, 2002

All Work and No Blog Makes Jeffrey a Voiceless Peon.

sez jeffrey saunders on 4:25 PM link me

Wednesday, January 30, 2002


Ezra and Suwatu played 2 songs at "Rockin' Java" last night and they blew the crowd away. They played dueling acoustics and sounded like professionals. I've got videotapes of the performance if anyone wants to buy a copy. They are all signed by the performers, "Uber-Goober Hip" (a term formed by Mat, actually uber-uber hip) as they went by last night. Supplies are limited so get them before they run out.
Only $29.95! What a bargain!

sez jeffrey saunders on 10:44 AM link me

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Crappy Craperson
All I gotta say is Krist Novaselic is a bitch.
"There is one guy who was at the right place at the right time."-Mat
I couldn't agree more. His stupid banter inbetween songs makes me want to shoot myself. Cobain used to just crank into the next song with his reverbed guitar to shut up KN, but in "Eyes Adrift" he is the head man and he has no check. Oh yeah, he can't sing and his bass playing is nominal at best.
Kirkwood and Bud can definately hold their own. If they weren't around the band would be utter trash.

Watt was untouchable as usual. Extremely punk rock set. Watt, you are still the reigning king of music that wreaks emotion.

sez jeffrey saunders on 4:04 PM link me

Monday, January 28, 2002

There is a Fine Line Between Aloofness and Cowardice.

sez jeffrey saunders on 12:50 PM link me

Friday, January 25, 2002


Bladders' bursting, no relief in sight,
Toilets absent, increasing our plight,
"Mom, I gotta go bad!" "I know Jeffrey, so does your dad."

"There's a Jiffy Johnny over there." "Jay, you're our savior."
Dad then Jay then Jeff then mom.
"Jeff, lock the latch on mom, that's excellent behaviour."

He's my big brother I do what he says,
Unlocking the lock it falls back into place.
We run and play and forget the Johnny,
Our dams had burst and we felt like running.

"Where is your mother?" Asks pop coarsely,
We all look at the green box, which waggles profusely.
Dad runs over to save his Queen from incarceration
Mom's face so red with anger I kneel in subjugation.

My ass hurt for weeks after that.
Don't lock your mom in a Port-o-Potty, they don't like it.


sez jeffrey saunders on 10:39 AM link me

Thursday, January 24, 2002

Bob Costas Acosts Us

I remember one time back in 1996 when the Olympics were in Atlanta, I met Bob Costas. I was at this fru-fru, yuppie, overpriced restaurant in Buckhead and Bob Costas was having a nice dinner, except for the fact that all us yahoo's were whispering to eachother, "That's THE Bob Costas." So in my inebriated state I decided to be the big man and go ask Costas a baseball question and earn some respect from the miniscule sports commentator. "Hey Costas!" I slurred. Bob looked up, obviously annoyed. "Yes." "I got a question for you." "Ok." Feeling larger than life I blurt out, "Who caught Gene Garber when he struck out Pete Rose to end his hitting streak?" Costas looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have no idea." It was not what he said but how he said it. It was the nicest I have ever heard anyone say "Fuck off loser" in my life. I was definantly humbled. I was at the aforementioned game and I didn't know the answer either.
I'm sure he knew the answer, but he just wanted to eat his gnoochi in peace. Self righteous bastard...I'm talking about me of course.

sez jeffrey saunders on 10:38 AM link me

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Closer To the Plagurizer

When I was in ninth grade our English teacher assigned us to write an original poem or story.
I copied word for word the lyrics to Rush's "Closer to the Heart."
Ms. Woodward loved it and had me read it to the class. I did so with the straightest of faces. My classmates snickered but she had no clue.
I got scared when she told me she submitted it to the bi-annual literature mag for the High school.
I cried and told her I didn't want it in the magazine. She took it out.
I got an A on the poem and didn't get suspended.
Ms. Woodward was clueless. She didn't like Rush either. I never understood that because she was from Edmonton.
Go figure.
"Forge your creativity..."

sez jeffrey saunders on 2:39 PM link me

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

These Records Are My Tops

2.We Control The Volume
3.Alive At Last
4.Not Enough...Vols. 3 and 4

HAMoTAM is the Band and I hate you all.

sez jeffrey saunders on 3:01 PM link me

Monday, January 21, 2002


Sometimes when I am asleep in my bed, I get woken up by strange noises. I don't know what they are so I make up things that it could be and scare myself. Then I go to the bathroom.

sez jeffrey saunders on 2:12 PM link me

Thursday, January 17, 2002

A Look Back

I turn 31 tomorrow. I remember a year ago I kept telling my best friend Matthew, more than twice, "This is going to be my year, I'm gonna blow up." It happened. My thirtieth year has been the best of my life. I have been more productive, tried new things and seen projects through to completion. My creative side has finally sprouted a seed and the vine is growing out of control, kudzu style. I am ecstatic, and I could not have accomplished anything if it wasn't for my partners in crime. Mat, Harper, Ezra, and Matthew I extend my utmost gratitude and thanks for allowing me and pushing me to express myself in my own way. Ya'll are the vehicle for my art, and words cannot express how deeply thankful and blessed I am to have you as co-conspirators and friends. I owe you all.

This year I am REALLY going to blow up...mark my words.

sez jeffrey saunders on 11:41 AM link me

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Nobody Knows Like Dominoe's

I was working at Dominoe's pizza the summer after High School graduation anticipating four years of beer soaked college bliss, and that's when it happened. I was the closer on a typical anyday night when I got the phone call. I was finishing up my closing duties, sweeping and mopping the floors, cleaning the line, ready to get the hell out, when the dreaded five till two phone call comes in. We were officially closed at 2 am and our clock said 1.55, I knew my plan, there was no way in hell I was going to deliver another pizza five minutes before closing.
"Dominoes Pizza." I said.
"Yo, I need a pizza delivered." Said the voice.
"I'm sorry sir but we have closed for the night."
"I thought ya'll closed at 2."
"We do sir, it is after 2."
"No it isn't."
"I'm sorry sir but it is and we are closed."
"Well I'm looking at my clock right now and it says 1.55."
"Our clock says 2.02. I'm sorry but we are closed."
Long, dramatic, pissed off pause.
"Then Fuck You and your clock!"

sez jeffrey saunders on 11:34 AM link me


My friends James and Molly just got back from Thailand. It sounds fun and warm and inexpensive. I think I will go there soon. Maybe HAMoTAM will take a breather there on our first world tour. Or not.

sez jeffrey saunders on 9:50 AM link me

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Laid To Rest

I just did a google search for one of my best friends from Portland, OR and I found

Kal was an inspiration and the funniest guy I ever met. I lived with Kal for a year and he was my best friend for 3. Obviously I hadn't spoken with him for awhile but...I am in shock. I heard nothing about this. Kal was as great a friend I could have and I am saddened more than any of you could know.

Dammit, why?

I love you Kal, thanks for all you enstilled in me.

sez jeffrey saunders on 5:01 PM
link me

My Brothers and Sisters

I am so thankful to have the friends I have. For the most part I have been extremely careful who I let into my life, and 95 percent of who I let in let me in. These are the people I have created a bond stronger than steel. We would do anything for eachother; we are extensions of eachother. I thank them daily, in my own special way, and they do the same. Friends are, arguably, the most important thing in life. I believe in this. Thank you to all those people who care about me more than themselves. Do not take these people lightly, treat them like family, hold on tight and never let go because they are the people who will be there for you when you need them.

So here's to all of my posse, I love ya'll more than life itself, you have made me what I am today and I am forever grateful. I will always be there for each and every one of you and from the bottom of my heart I thank you. I protect what you give me with more security than NORAD.


sez jeffrey saunders on 2:47 PM link me

Friday, January 11, 2002

Weekends Are More Relaxing Because I Don't Have To Work

Two days is not enough
Why don't we incorporate European work schedules?
They don't work that much.

Happy Happy last work day.

sez jeffrey saunders on 9:42 AM link me

Thursday, January 10, 2002

Lambda, Lambda, Lambda and Omega Mu Alumni Mixer

My friend Derek called me up Tuesday night and offered me a free ticket to go see GrandMasterFlash at Soundfactory, I jumped at the chance. Derek's girlfriend V. was playing in a band on the sidestage and she could put two people on the list and luckily, I was one of the chosen. Apparently GMF was playing the party to end the Macworld Expo here in SF. I did not even consider Macworld, I was going to see some old school dj'ing and that's all I could think about.
We roll up around nine and it looked like a huge feature film was premeiring at the club. Limosines, searchlights, cops and cop cars, press, you name it they were there. We walked right up to the front, had our names on the VIP list and walked right in. We were one of the first to enter and immediately I knew this was a "hey-look-how-great-we-are" party for all of Mac people. Derek and I immediately found V. and her band had already started. We hung out watching them for awhile, in the meantime the place was filling up, and horrifficly, everyone seemed to come from the same feather.
The place was really getting packed and I noticed two things immediately. First, out of the 500 or so people there were 50 girls, frightened girls. Next, all of the men were identical. Big bellies, collared, short-sleveed, knit shirts that were a few sizes too small, thick glasses, unkempt hair and face, with a penchant for social ineptness. They were all huge nerds, Tri Lam's. I hate to label and I truly believe that there are no dorks once you have matured to a certain age, but this party debunked my theory. These guys ALL looked like their home was their cube and they cannot function without their hands on their Mac's. There were many computers set up for whatever people wanted to do with them and I swear all of them had a line of nerds three deep. Don't you guys look at these things all day? Jeez.
The party spared no expense. Four bands, endless tables of food, "dancers" in sequined leisure suits with two foot afros, projected video of Mac products, and even Sinbad. Yeah that Sinbad! He was hangin' out being constantly bombarded by computer geeks telling him they loved his movies. He looked as out of place and uncomfortable as I was. GMF lauded Jobs and Mac's as God. "Let's give it up for Steve Jobs, I've been using Mac's for 16 years." Raise the roofs and dawgs barking irradically and disjointed enveloped the room. I felt like I was at "Duff Gardens" on the "It's a Small World" ride with Lisa and Bart after they drink the laced mote water...trippin'.
GMF also turned in an incredibly dissappointing set. The first track I heard was "Ring My Bell" fade into "Beat It." I don't think GMF brought out his new stuff, he must have brought his "lame party for lots of dough" crate of records because he did nothing new. No scratching or anything to get your blood rushing.
After several hours of sweaty, smelly, socially inept revelers, I was overwhelmed. I had to leave. It is egomaniacal of me to pass judgement on these programers and creators of a piece of equipment that I use for hours daily, that pays my bills and put a roof over my head. Mac's are the lifeblood of my trade and I would be dead without them, but I was just flabergasted to put a face on the genius of these machines. The face is not pretty, but the voice is the slickest, sexiest thing around.
So thanks Lewis and Gilbert and Wermser and Booger and Poindexter and Lamar Latrell, you guys keep advancing the world. But as you accelerate in technical matters, we'll take care of the social engagements, deal?

sez jeffrey saunders on 10:59 AM link me

Tuesday, January 08, 2002


If I could be a candy I would be a skittle, the flavor stays with you.
If I could be a beer I would be a Fosters, from Down Under.
If I could be a car I would be a Mustang, beauty reveals power.
If I could be a sport I would be baseball, bursts and strategy.
If I could be a film I would be Mystery Train, Visual orchestration.
If I could be an animal I would be a Bird, gracefully perceptive.
If I could be a "Clue" character I would be Col. Mustard, I like mustard.

sez jeffrey saunders on 10:36 AM link me

Monday, January 07, 2002

Yet Another Milestone

I forgot to mention that I broke another guitar string this weekend, but this one was unique. I broke the second lowest string, one of the fatties! I feel like I am abusing my guitar, just beating it down. Die Epiphone, die!

It's nice to be so easily a dog.

sez jeffrey saunders on 3:21 PM link me

HAMoTAM Will Roll

Yet another music filled weekend. That is all I do anymore. Now that the studio is almost fully operational, I find no need to actually leave the house. That's not true, I have to go out an get beers and smokes and the occassional foodstuff, but for the most part I have all the accoutrements I need at the crib. Now I know what bears feel like in the winter. Survival off the fat of the harvest. It's good to be the king.
See you all next year. Please do not disturb the wildlife.

sez jeffrey saunders on 10:00 AM link me

Friday, January 04, 2002

Poetry Friday
Go Away.

sez jeffrey saunders on 11:02 AM link me

Thursday, January 03, 2002

Instigation Isolation

What did you say?
Listen I just think you should be careful thats all.
You don't think I've been careful?
No, jesus I'm not saying that, I'm just saying you're messing with people who don't give a shit about you, they'll do anything to get what they want, including screwing you over.
Whatever. You don't think I know that? What the fuck, you have never had any confidence in me whatsoever and I have always come through. And you are more than happy to share the spoils when the whole time you're just bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. I don't know why I keep you around.
Yeah, that's how it goes. You'ld be dead without me.
You know what, I am so friggin sick of you. You're holding me down. I don't need you. I don't want you. The crying shit isn't going to work anymore either. I've had it. I'm out.
But you'll die without me!
Only the bad parts.

sez jeffrey saunders on 9:53 AM link me

Wednesday, January 02, 2002

A Fresh Start to A New Year

I had a wonderful Christmas and an incredible New Years Eve.

Part 1: I was a part of a family ensconced Christmas punctuated by love and comfort by those most important to me. Grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, close family friends, and me, were all ingredients for a Norman Rockwell Christmas. I could not have dreamt a better holiday season. I thank you all.

Part 2: I experienced one of the greatest New Years Eve's I have ever had. I saw all of my dearest friends at one point or another and I spent time with people whom I know will become dear friends. Old friendships were solidified and new friendships built rock solid foundations. A night I will always cherish. Thank you to all who were involved.

I hope everyone had great and enjoyable holidays and I wish you the most prosperous and fruitful New Years.

Peace from the B

sez jeffrey saunders on 9:43 AM link me




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